


Hate me, love me

by walshbane



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Counter Sex, Gay, Kinda, Light Smut, M/M, Secret Relationship, Tiny bit of Angst, Wylan's POV, hahahaha what is a heterosexual, i guess ?????? idk its mentioned a few times sooooo, inej is the mom friend, just a lil bit, uhhhhh if anyone has ever read We Are The Ants its inspired by that, wylan is one stressed boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2019-03-04 06:56:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13358919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/walshbane/pseuds/walshbane
Summary: Wylan grows tired of just being something Jesper can fuck when he's bored





	Hate me, love me

**Author's Note:**

> hi hi hi i'm here. i took a break from writing over christmas and now i've gone back to school and i barely have any time. butttttt i wrote this like a week ago and figured i should dump it here. fuck knows when i'll do chapter 2.

Jesper and Wylan’s relationship was more complicated than expected. For starters, they were both closeted which, ironically, often resulted in them making out in closets and store cupboards at school. There were times when Wylan would walk past an empty classroom and a hand would reach out to drag him into the room and pin him against walls as lips were locked, and shirts unbuttoned. Alternatively, Wylan’s phone would buzz in his pocket in such a way that sent a spark of electricity up Wylan’s spine. He knew what that meant, and he would quickly excuse himself to meet Jesper in the toilets.

“Took you long enough,” Jesper had said once, barely glancing up from his phone as Wylan rushed in. Wylan muttered a frantic apology and let Jesper pull him into a cubicle by his shirt collar. That day was easily on the best and it was worth the looks as he stumbled out the bathroom with awfully mussed hair.

There were other obvious things that made Wylan’s toes curl and his breath catch in his throat- the main one being sex. No way in hell could Wylan deny that sex with Jesper wasn’t good. It was amazing even when his common sense told him that being bent over and fucked in a car- that was still on school grounds- was a terrible idea. It was amazing when Jesper had to clamp a hand over Wylan’s mouth to stop his moans escaping when a teacher stood in front of the store cupboard at lunch. In Wylan’s defence, Jesper had been fucking him so hard he saw stars erupting behind his eyelids, so expecting the poor guy to remain silent while their fellow classmates passed by was extremely difficult. It was even more amazing when they both orgasmed and Wylan’s legs would turn to jelly beneath him, allowing him to slide down the wall onto the cold, concrete floor of whatever cupboard they were in.

But even that seemingly euphoric moment would collapse and Jesper would fix himself, leaving Wylan naked and alone. Wylan would gather himself together, and slip out the cupboard and continue his day like he hadn’t just had his asshole destroyed by the most arrogant boy at his school. That was the fact that always crawled under Wylan’s skin, and set about nibbling away at his heart.

He never spoke to Jesper outside of their little agreement. He ignored the older boys insults that were thrown at him as he walked by in the corridor. He tried even harder to ignore the closeness of their collective bodies when Jesper would ram him against the lockers and spit toxic words into his face. They both knew that those words would be used again, but in a situation Wylan would groan in response instead of flinching.

Those days hurt the most- when Jesper acted like they had never made out in the back of the art room, hiding behind some paintings, where if anyone tilted their heads they would notice two faint shadows. Wylan knew why he cried in the bathroom once Jesper was out of earshot. He promised himself never to admit it fully. But Wylan couldn’t help wanting to have something more with Jesper. Something that didn’t entirely revolve around them fucking each other senseless. Wylan wanted something with emotions, not just lust. He wanted Jesper to stop shoving him once they laid eyes on each other and he wanted Jesper to take him on dates somewhere, kiss him once the night was done and let their hands interlock.

Wylan wanted to punch himself for even falling in love to begin with. It was dumb; he was dumb. What was even worse was that a small part of him hoped, wished, that Jesper would reciprocate his feelings at some point. Wylan knew full well that would never occur, but a glimmer of hope remained burning.  
And that was the most complicated part of their relationship.

Wylan never knew where he stood with Jesper. Were they just enemies with benefits? Fuck buddies? Two horny teenage boys who were left floating in the void of sexuality and couldn’t bring themselves to admit that whatever they were doing together had gone beyond that “one-night stand” Jesper had promised? Wylan wasn’t sure. All he knew was that he was a toy that Jesper tossed around most days and used, only for him to be thrown aside once Jesper had finished and fucked back off to his friends. 

What really irked Wylan was the fact that Jesper already had a girlfriend, that he regularly kissed in the halls when Wylan passed by. Wylan can remember the first time he saw the two of them together, Jesper’s arm slung over her shoulder while she pressed herself against his side. Even then, Jesper caught Wylan’s gaze from across the room, but he merely drew the girl in closer and whispered something in her little ear that made her giggle, gesture towards Wylan and all heads turned to focus on him- which caused Wylan to blush in the presence of so many watchful eyes. Wylan hated nothing more than having to witness Jesper kissing the girl repeatedly, then proceeding to use those same lips to kiss him a few hours later. It made bile rise up in Wylan’s at the thought of where else those lips had been on that girl’s body.

He wanted to stop whatever him and Jesper had going (if it was even something to begin with). He wanted to stop feeling so unclean and dirty at what they do together. He wanted Jesper to stop lying to his girlfriend and for Wylan to stop lying to his friends about their relationship. Every time Jesper had sex with him he swore that next time he would call off their agreement. That time never came however, whether it was due to Jesper physically silencing him with his lips or hands, or whether it was because of the words getting stuck in Wylan’s throat when he tried to speak to him.

Across the year that Wylan and Jesper had known each other, Jesper had only visited Wylan’s house twice. The first time, Jesper had pinned Wylan against his own bedroom door, and roughly nipped at the skin on his neck, whispering dirty words into the younger boy’s ear that made his entire body flush a vibrant pink. There had been no sex that time, mostly because Wylan had begged Jesper for none; the fear of his parents hearing them looming horrendously over his head. Instead, Jesper settled for making Wylan come untouched, with his mouth placed permanently on Wylan’s to swallow up his moans. Wylan can remember haphazardly bucking up against Jesper to reach some form of release while Jesper tugged on his hair, and grasped Wylan’s lip in between his teeth.

The second time around, Wylan was less lucky. His parents had gone away for the weekend and left Wylan in charge of the house. Jesper invited himself around immediately, not wasting any time discarding their clothes and shoving Wylan into one of the kitchen counters. Wylan had lifted himself onto the counter, letting his head rest against the wall mounted cupboards behind him and kissed Jesper with a sense of confidence that made even Jesper raise his eyebrows in surprise.

“Someone got needy in those four days I was gone,” Jesper had murmured when Wylan chased after his lips.

“I missed you,” Wylan responded, dragging Jesper closer again so he could plant a kiss on the boy’s lips. The kiss was only meant to last a moment, but Wylan had found himself digging his nails into Jesper’s back to keep him still, and swinging his legs around him so Jesper was trapped. His hands trailed down further to grab Jesper’s ass and kneaded it slightly, and that was the only time Jesper had ever gone submissive on Wylan. They had swapped positions, and Jesper let Wylan fuck him.

Sometime afterwards, when Wylan had passed out on his kitchen floor, Jesper had cleaned up and left. And that’s how Wylan’s parents found their son; hair dishevelled, clothes crumpled, sweat still running down his forehead. 

Wylan never did explain to his parents what happened.

Thankfully, Jesper’s own parents had a tendency of going on several business trips. There were times when Jesper would be alone for two weeks straight, and every night he would drag Wylan round after school. And Wylan found himself agreeing to go over there again.

“Wy!” Jesper shouted across the empty corridor, jogging over to where Wylan was stood.

“Yeah?” Wylan couldn’t help his breath speeding up whenever Jesper spoke to him, yet he still refused to face him, even when Jesper was standing directly behind him

“My parents are out of town for a while so…” Jesper’s hand trailed down so it was resting across Wylan’s crotch “Do you want to come over? After school?”

As soon as Wylan’s breath audibly hitched, Jesper smirked and buried his head in the crook of Wylan’s neck. Wylan bit back a whimper when Jesper sucked on the pale skin there and nodded fiercely.  
“You’re the best Wy,” Jesper whispered, squeezing the bulge growing in Wylan’s trousers. He pulled away completely then, and swanned back off into the crowd, leaving Wylan panting slightly and tugging his sweater down over his crotch. There were days when Wylan questioned why he loved that man so much it was painful.

*

The house was unnervingly silent when Wylan stepped in, slipping his shoes off already and placing them neatly beside the door. Most of the rooms were immaculate, and resembled the furniture you would see in dollhouses. There were no childhood photos on the wall, instead painting littered the walls- Wylan could only imagine that the artist tried to create something “abstract” and completely ruined it. Other than that, the rooms were practically bare. There was the odd piece of décor splattered around the room, including a fruit bowl that had no actual fruit in.

“I was wondering where you were,” Jesper said. He had apparently slipped into the room without Wylan noticing. Wylan hummed and turned around so he was facing the older boy. He knew what would happen next. Wylan would be forced into the table and they would kiss for a while, then Jesper would get impatient and fuck him, and soon after they would fall asleep, curled up in each other’s arms until Jesper shook him awake and made Wylan leave. He didn’t want that tonight. He wanted to talk.

“Can I speak to you?” Wylan asked. Jesper hadn’t even taken a step forwards, but Wylan felt like the walls were closing in.

Jesper arched his eyebrows and walked towards Wylan “We can talk later Wy. I think there are more important matters ahead.” When he leaned in to kiss Wylan, he pushed Jesper away, and Wylan held him there at arm’s length.

“Please Jes. I need to talk you.” Desperate to focus on anything other then Jesper’s face, he took an interest in the shirt bunched up in-between his fingers. But it wasn’t his shirt. And the person who was wearing it wasn’t even his. He never would be either, so why waste time speaking invaluable words on someone who would deny him and fuck him up even further. There was no point, and Wylan didn’t even know why he came here. He was fully aware that Jesper didn’t love him, and never would and his head began to pound at the thought of asking Jesper anything. All he had accomplished was being reminded that he had fallen for someone he used him as a toy when he was horny and had a girlfriend who thought he was god’s motherfucking gift. That’s all Wylan would be, and he despised the fact that mere seconds ago he thought this would be the end. Jesper had him on a bloody leash, and neither were willing to let go.  
Wylan shoved two fingers through his belt loops to disguise the violent shaking of his hands and swallowed a sob, drawing Jesper closer again. “Just forget yeah? Just forget I ever said anything,” Wylan whispered.

Jesper gave him one final look up and down and shrugged. When Jesper didn’t move again, Wylan kissed him, holding him in place by the back of his neck as he did. He wanted to believe that kissing Jesper would change everything, that he would stop being jealous of him and his girlfriend, and he would stop wanting to kiss Jesper constantly, or maybe that Jesper and his friends would leave him alone and find someone else. Deep down, Wylan knew that all of that was impossible to forget. But the feeling of Jesper’s lips against his own helped mask the disappointment.

As they pulled apart, Wylan’s hand went straight for Jesper’s zipper, eager to please him because maybe, just maybe, if he was bent over he could forget everything that’s ever happened. He could forget that he lived with parents who would kick him out if they found out he was gay; he could forget the high that Jesper’s lips gave him that left him craving more. He undid Jesper’s button and forced his zipper down and as he was just about to drag Jesper’s trousers down, Jesper grasped his hand. Of course he had dreamed of Jesper holding his hand, but never when they were about to have sex in order for Wylan to stop thinking about interlocking their hands.

“This isn’t you Wy,” Jesper said, dropping Wylan’s hand so he can cup his face. Having Jesper’s fingers dance across his face made Wylan go lightheaded with glee, until he realised Jesper was wiping away tears Wylan didn’t even know he had cried. His stomach churned as Jesper looked at him with a different emotion in his eyes. It was unfamiliar- and Wylan hated it.

“Yes, it is Jes. I don’t know what you’re talking about okay? This is me,” Wylan rushed, his hands naturally returning to Jesper’s body, but this time at the hem of his shirt.

“Wylan. Stop.” Jesper held his hands once more, this time not letting go. Wylan locked eyes with Jesper, before releasing a breath and letting his eyes flitter closed.

“I want you to fuck me Jesper. I want you to fuck me so hard I won’t know where I am for an hour afterwards, and I won’t be able to sit down for a week. I want you to pound into be so hard the walls shake and the neighbours hear us. Please Jes, please,” Wylan moaned. Knowing Jesper for a while came with some perks- one of which being that Wylan knew exactly what made Jesper horny. And Wylan moaning loud enough for everyone to hear was one of Jesper’s biggest turn on.

“Wylan, that’s not gonna work,” Jesper snapped suddenly. Wylan reopened his eyes and bit his bottom lip to stop tears from spilling over again.

“Do you not want to?” Wylan gestured between the two of them. A horrible feeling was building up in his gut and he really didn’t want to hear Jesper’s next words. He wanted Jesper to kiss him and make that deep growl as he unbuckled Wylan’s belt. Jesper didn’t and Wylan didn’t understand. They had done this for a year straight, and now Jesper didn’t want to? If anything, Jesper was acting odd. Jesper was meant to be cold and uncaring and the type of guy that left dents in lockers and locked people in classrooms for a laugh with his mates, yet here he was, still gripping Wylan’s hand and looking down at him with a speck of love in his eyes. A shiver ran up Wylan’s spine.

“Not when you’re not Wylan Van Eck.” He sighed and kissed Wylan’s hand “Talk to me, you little nerd.”

This would be when any normal human would spill all their feelings out onto the table and watch as the other person tried to pick them up to fix them, and they would hug as the moonlight filtered through the curtains to rest on their face. But Wylan wasn’t like that. He didn’t even want to be like that.

He could tell Jesper everything he had been feeling. Maybe it would be like in films where they would confess their collective, undying love for each other and kiss as fireworks went off in the background. The thought of Jesper throwing him out the door helped him keep his mouth shut.

“If you’re not gonna speak then you may as well just leave right now, but we’re not doing anything together until you sort yourself out,” Jesper said, heading towards the front door.

“Wait! Jesper!” Jesper turned back around “Can I stay here tonight?”

“Wy, you-” He spoke so softly that Wylan thought he was about to melt.

“I know, I know. Please Jes? I can explain everything tomorrow.” Tomorrow was a long way away. Maybe Jesper would have forgotten. He hoped Jesper would forget.

*

It was two hours later until they both were in bed. They were on opposite side of the sheet, the space between them feeling like the ocean, but Wylan knew that they couldn’t cuddle anymore. Instead, he stared at Jesper’s back, mapping out the spots that were plastered onto the skin. Wylan couldn’t help but wonder whether Jesper’s girlfriend had done the same thing that he was, or whether she would be touching his back as they fell asleep. The familiar feeling of bile rising up hit Wylan again and he diverted his eyes.

He was still staring at the wall above Jesper when the older boy rolled over to meet Wylan’s gaze once again. Jesper reached out and stroked Wylan’s cheek, his thumb skimming Wylan’s cheekbone occasionally. Finally, Jesper spoke into the darkness.

“You want me to break up with her, don’t you?” Jesper’s voice quivered slightly, as if the words caused him physical pain. 

Did Wylan really want to break the two of them up? Granted, it would mean he could have Jesper, but he doubted that the girl would take the breakup lightly. Would she come after them? Would she force Jesper to break up with Wylan? Who knows. Wylan was selfish enough to want Jesper all to himself, but aware enough to know the damage it could cause to the both of them.

“I’m not sure what I want,” Wylan answered. He attempted to ignore the tears stinging his eyes. His vison was becoming blurred, but he could feel Jesper edging closer to him, and hooking his leg over Wylan’s hips.

“Can I show what I want then?” Jesper whispered against Wylan’s lips. Wylan nodded and Jesper connected their lips. They had kissed plenty of times, but this seemed different, almost as if it was meaningful. Maybe it was. Wylan couldn’t think straight as Jesper kissed him, the kiss not becoming heated and messy but rather slow and thoughtful, as if Wylan was made of glass and would smash into a million pieces if Jesper leant into him. In all fairness, Wylan did feel like that. He was see-through, exposed, left out for the elements until Jesper came in and whisked him away. They kissed for a while, their movements never developing into anything more. Jesper was still caressing Wylan’s face as they kissed and Wylan’s arm was resting across Jesper’s midsection, toying with the hem of his shirt so he could skin his fingers across the smooth skin beneath it.

They pulled away slowly, resting their foreheads together and listened to each other’s breathing as it filled the room.  
“Tomorrow, we’ll talk. Yeah Wy?” Jesper said, opening his eyes to look at Wylan. Wylan nodded and snuggled his head into Jesper’s chest.  
He didn’t know what just happened, or whether what he felt was real. All he really knew was that Jesper Fahey was cuddling him and playing with his copper coloured curls as he slept. He knew that tomorrow would bring questions that he couldn’t answer, but he didn’t mind that.

*

When Wylan woke, the bed was empty and his body was uncomfortably cold. He shivered slightly as he sat up and peered into the semi darkness. Jesper had gone, and judging by the icy space beside Wylan, he had been gone for some time. Bile rose up in Wylan’s throat again. Had Jesper come to his sense and left him? Would they just ignore last night? Is that what either of them wanted? Wylan wasn’t sure.

Last night was still starkly clear in Wylan’s mind- Jesper had cradled him while he slept and peppered little kisses in Wylan’s hair. All those gestures had been soft, almost calculated and Wylan never expected them to come from Jesper Fahey. That just wasn’t Jesper’s thing. Jesper’s thing was pinning Wylan against walls and kissing him and rutting against him until they came down from their high and then he would leave. That was the Jesper he had known for the past year. Maybe even grown to love.

Wylan slipped out of the bed and padded into the kitchen, where Jesper stood shirtless in front of the stove muttering curse words as he cracked an egg open into a pan. Even from a distance, Wylan could make out the vivid muscles that lay across Jesper’s body. From head to toe, he resembled the stereotypical jock that sent all the girls into a screaming frenzy and didn’t need to spend time making drastic decisions for the attention; he already had it. He had the body of a Ken Doll. He was mysterious, whisper educing, and unachievable. Unless you were Wylan Van Eck.

“Hey Wy,” Jesper said, spinning around. He looked even better from the front, Wylan decided. Obviously, he had seen Jesper naked plenty of times, but this was different. It was fresh and new. They could be a couple and not deal with the “not even friends with benefits bullshit” as Wylan’s friends had worded it. They could be in love properly, and not rely on sex to express their emotions for each other.  
Jesper walked over and gave Wylan a gentle kiss “I was trying to make breakfast.” He shrugged “Turns out I’m not a good cook.”

Wylan released a breath of laughter and Jesper beamed back at him, brushing his misplaced curls off his forehead. They both knew that Jesper’s hand lingered for seconds longer than what it needed to, yet neither of them minded. What they were sharing now gave Wylan more of a thrill than intimacy ever could. He only hoped it would last.

“We’ll talk today yeah? It’ll be for the best,” Jesper muttered, moving his hand so it cupped Wylan’s face. Wylan nodded and let Jesper hug him, nestling his head into the lean muscles of Jesper’s chest bone.

A while later, they were pressed up against each other on a sofa in Jesper’s living room. Jesper had an arm draped over Wylan’s shoulder, tugging him closer. The room was silent, a precarious mix of comfortable and awkward and a thick tension rested above their heads, melting through the room and seeping into every nook and cranny of bookshelves and lamps. Most of the room was submerged in darkness from the unopened curtains. They acted like a shield from the outside world, Wylan thought. It was as if they protected them from the horrors of reality. Wylan buried his head further into Jesper’s torso.

“Come on Wy, speak to me,” Jesper said, drawing apart from Wylan so he can sit cross-legged on the sofa. He felt too far away. Jesper reached out and started playing with Wylan’s curls, stroking his face occasionally. 

Wylan remained quiet, letting his eyes slip closed as Jesper tugged on his curls. He had questions. He wanted answers for them too. But at that moment those answers seemed dangerous. Those answers alone could introduce something new into his life, for better or for worse. Those stupid words had so much power that they terrified him and refused to leave his head until they were spoken. He could only hope that the answers would be kind.

“Do you love me?” Wylan asked, meeting Jesper’s gaze. He had said them. He had said those words that had sprouted from the back of his mind all those months ago. That was the question that he thought of as he slept and what kept him awake at night, perched on the bed, staring out the tinted windows.

“I don’t know.”

And that’s all Jesper said.

Those words. Those fucking words sent Wylan’s brain into a frenzy. This had been a mistake. Wylan should have never come here, he never should have thought those dumb, stupid things. If he hadn’t, him and Jesper would be okay and he would be at home right now, frantically trying to wash the scent of the other boy off his body. He would go to school on Monday and let Jesper do whatever he wanted again. His life would be normal and wouldn’t spin around until it dropped off the edge of a cliff. And Jesper wouldn’t be staring at him with those eyes that were so foggy and unclear they made Wylan’s heart leap into his throat. He needed to leave.

Wylan was about to speak, to explain his grand exit and ignore the events of the past eighteen hours, when Jesper grabbed his hands and inched closer so their knees were brushing against each other.

“But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to try Wy.” He laughed for a moment “Jesus, I really want to try this.” He gestured between the both of them.

Wylan knew that there were tears welling up in his eyes, and he knew that Jesper could see them, but he didn’t brush them away. He let them sit in his eyes and let his heart stich itself onto his sleeve. His emotions were completely raw and unfiltered. That glimmer of hope that he had felt before began to glow in his chest and made every sentence catch in this throat. 

“I wanted to speak to you about that last night actually but…” Jesper shrugged and knitted his eyebrows together as the thought of what to say, “I guess I didn’t have the balls to do it.”

Wylan laughed at Jesper’s choice of crude words but held his gaze on Jesper’s more serious face. This was what Wylan saw in movies and dreams, but he wasn’t in a movie, nor was he dreaming- this was reality and Wylan couldn’t stop the constant hitch in his breathing.

“Can I kiss you?” Jesper murmured, already inching his face closer to Wylan’s. Wylan nodded and connected their lips together.

The kiss was soft, similar to the one they shared last night. But last night was uncertain, unplanned and confusing for them. This kiss was determined, like it knew something that neither of the two boys did and pushed them forwards against each other. The kiss sent sparks through Wylan and his entire body was heating up from Jesper’s touch. Maybe this was what intimacy was meant to feel like.  
When they pulled away, Jesper heaved Wylan’s body onto his lap and peppered little kisses around the smaller boy’s face, relishing the giggles emitting as his lips tickled Wylan’s skin.

“I think,” Jesper said, keeping Wylan close by holding his shirt “That we should make this official.”

Wylan gave a scandalized gasp and smiled “Does that make you my boyfriend?”

“I guess it does you little nerd.”

They kissed for a while after, until Wylan disappeared home as to not unnerve his parents too much. Both their beds felt too empty that night.

*

Kaz slammed his locker shut, the sudden sound making Inej and Wylan jump simultaneously “You’re dating the guy that fucked you over, quite literally, and refuses to acknowledge your existence unless your head is in between his fucking legs! I knew you had an interesting taste in men Wylan, but holy shit this is definitely something else.”

Wylan couldn’t help but flinch when Kaz raised his voice and Inej elbowed him in his side to keep him quiet.

“Language Kaz!” Inej shouted, pointing a finger at Kaz, who sneered at it and looked away “Anyway, what did he say to you, Sunshine?” She asked.

Wylan shrugged and dragged several books out his locker “He just said that we’re dating now.”

“And you want to date him?”

“Yes.”

“So what’s the problem Kaz?” Inej asked, poking his arm to pull his attention away from a group of younger students whispering, most likely about them.  
“The problem is that Wylan is dating someone that already has a girlfriend and is notoriously known for not being able to keep a relationship. Plus, anyone to dates Jesper Fahey barely makes it out alive. Do you seriously want our poor little Wylan dating that fucker?”

Kaz wasn’t wrong. Technically, Jesper still had a girlfriend but he promised to break up with her. At least, that’s what Wylan hoped. Had Jesper said that? Or was wishful thinking clouding his judgement? Wylan found it difficult to believe that he even loved her to begin with- maybe she was just something Jesper used to make Wylan jealous. Neither of them had really mentioned her. Wylan had once merely said her name and Jesper and held Wylan against the wall and leaned in so close, Wylan could feel Jesper’s breath ghosting over his lips. Jesper had made Wylan promise never to speak of her again, referring to it as “two separate lives that will never cross”. Wylan gave him a quick nod and they went back to kissing. There were a few other times where Jesper had refreshed the idea in Wylan’s mind. He had whispered it in Wylan’s ear as he fucked him; he had panted it in the afterglow too. Those memories burned a little, and Wylan bit his lip as he thought about them.

“See? He doesn’t even know himself. If Jesper really loved him, then he would have broken up with Maya by now, and the whole hallway would have descended into chaos. But instead…” Kaz turned around and nodded towards where Jesper and his friends were stood. 

From where Wylan was stood, he could see everything. Across the hallway, Jesper had shoved Maya against the wall and was kissing her passionately, his hand snaking up her shirt and the other resting above her head.

“He’s mouth fucking his girlfriend,” Kaz finished, turning back to Wylan and Inej “Tough luck mate.” Kaz patted his shoulder as he walked off, presumably to class.

Wylan slumped against the lockers, the keypads digging painfully into his back, but he didn’t care. He slammed his head back and glared up at the ceiling. Kaz was lying. Kaz was lying. Kaz was lying, Wylan repeated.

“Do you think Kaz is right?” Wylan choked out. Inej was looking at him almost pitifully. Had he fucked up? Was dating Jesper a mistake? He didn’t want to add his name to Jesper’s list of discarded trash, but he had fallen for the guy like he just jumped out a plane without a parachute.

“I think you should talk to Jesper.” She glanced back over her shoulder. For a moment, Jesper and Inej’s eyes met before they both turned back around, a comically sour look painted on Inej’s face. “Not now though. Wouldn’t want to ruin his cool kid persona anyway.”

Wylan allowed himself to smile; Inej ruffled his hair when he did and fixed his clothing so he looked more presentable. 

“You love him Wylan. And he probably loves you too.” Inej shrugged and stepped away from him “What have you got to lose anyway?”

Once Inej had left, Wylan stayed resting against the lockers, his fingers beating out an annoying pattern on the cold metal. 

From across the hallway, surrounded by a group of students, two brown eyes met his own clear blue ones, and Wylan’s mind went blank.

Maybe Inej was wrong. 

There’s always something to lose.

**Author's Note:**

> okay goodbye i really need to practise for my french speaking (the joys of year 10)


End file.
